


Clueless

by pikwanchu



Series: Not exactly Less than Three [1]
Category: Free!
Genre: M/M, Multi, Polyamory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-03
Updated: 2014-10-03
Packaged: 2018-02-19 18:42:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2398838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pikwanchu/pseuds/pikwanchu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two times Nagisa realizes he’s hurting the people he loves the most; and two times he is left speechless.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Clueless

**Author's Note:**

> [ prompt: HaruNagi or Ringisa? whynotboth I mean uh, how about a HaruXNagisaXRin love triangle with oblivious penguin accidentally making them both jealous? ]

**Clueless.**

 

 

Being with Haru was easy. It was like floating on water; relaxing, refreshing, ethereal. It made him feel secure, and gave him that kind of slow sensation, like time slowed down. A certain sense of infinity and deepness he wasn’t used to at all.

With him, he had realized he loved that feeling.

Haruka translated his personality to everything he did, Nagisa had also found. He was upfront, he hid nothing, because he had nothing to hide, nothing to be ashamed of; and in many senses, the blonde admired that of him. He was real, a safe option.

Of course, whenever they were together, Nagisa had to be the one to initiate everything; he knew Haru, and he knew that certain… renitence of his of showing emotion. But once everything was set, he was like liquid fire, like lava. And he would drown in him any day.

Every movement with him was unhurried; he had all the time in the world, and he was going to take advantage of that. He liked to enjoy the feeling of everything, and take his time to feel it completely. He never closed his eyes, and every time Nagisa opened his, he’d always find his eyes looking right into him, taking him fully.

 It flattered the blonde, and somehow managed to bring carmine to his cheeks.

Once they were about to, prior touches and insinuations from the youngest, Haru would make him sit on his lap, and would nibble ceaselessly on the delicate skin of his neck, tracing lazy paths, making his shortest hairs stand on their roots. He would massage his hips, and slowly go to his erection, because that’s what it only took from Haru to make Nagisa want him more than anything.

 He always wanted to return the favor, but the dark haired would always shake his head no. 

They never took their clothes off completely, and somehow that fitted them. Haru would rock his hips deeply into him, and Nagisa would always whine and sigh into his shoulder; they would only stop when sweat dripped like they had just come out of the water.

 

Rin was different. Rin was… energizing. Hard, passionate, a lot more physical. He was fierce, almost animal. He knew what he wanted, and he did everything to get it whenever he wanted; almost capriciously, but not enough.

 Nagisa would never say no, anyway; he enjoyed being with him way too much.

Whenever he was with Rin, it felt like a time-travel back to when he was still angry at them. The blonde liked to think between mischievous laughs that all those emotions he used to have at that time melted into sexual drive, and that’s how he could maintain that calm persona he held now.

 It was like he needed an outlet, and rough touches were inevitably a good option.

He would text him anytime, and go to wherever the blonde was at the moment, and find a hidden place anywhere. It was a special ability of his, he thought, to find privacy anywhere, anytime.  There, he would take Nagisa’s lips with such force, that sometimes they ended up swollen for hours. They would kiss, grab, even moan almost desperately; Rin matched his impetu, and even surpassed it at times.

 More than once Nagisa had mentally thanked Iwatobi’s jackets for having tall necks that covered his. Sometimes, love bites wouldn’t fade for a week.

Of course, when they got at it, they weren’t out. Well, except those few times at Iwatobi’s pool lockers, and once at Samezuka’s. Almost always, they ran to the older’s room (which was always suspiciously empty by the time they got there) when the mood was too good to ruin it, and Nagisa would stay hours there, always careful to go back to his house before dinner, despite Rin’s frown.

Rin would lay him on the lower bunk (that Nagisa was told it wasn’t his, later on) and take off both of their shirts, carelessly throwing them over his head, because his focus was only on the blonde’s peachy skin. He would bite all over his stomach, and the younger one liked to tangle his fingers between his long locks, and tug until he got the message, and their faces were close again.

 Then, the redhead would take one or both of his hands and place them on his crotch, while he nibbled on his ear, and sweetened it with pornographic hushed words. And Nagisa went along with that, because that voice he used on him made him a living fire, and because he liked to make Rin a living fire, too.

Just then Rin went really on him, and Nagisa was sure that the guys living next to him already knew him by his screams. Because, yes, Rin made him scream louder than anything. And Nagisa knew he liked it when he did, because he gave him  _that look_ , and went even harder, rougher, and faster.  Of course, the blonde also managed to rip a few wordless screams from the older’s mouth way more than a few times.

 

* * *

 

It was one of those late afternoons, when they were cuddling (because that was also routine- nap for an hour or so, legs tangled, arms wrapped on each other), that Nagisa realized what he was doing was wrong.

“So, you are fucking Haru too, huh?”, the redhead had quietly let out, irrupting the calm silence that they had been pulled into, when the only lights that reached them were those coming from the street, bright white but not enough.

Nagisa turned into his arms, to face him, still half asleep.

“Don’t say it like that, Rin-chan…” he lazily let out, as he nuzzled into his chest.

“But you are.” he accused, once again, his grip loosening to have a glimpse of his face. But the blonde didn’t reply right away, not with words at least.

Because, being honest, he didn’t know what to say. He had heard it, alright; he had heard the hurt in his voice behind that entire calm exterior, like thick porcelain cracking from the inside. And, wow, he didn’t even imagine Rin could ever feel like that; not when it was about the blonde.

His soft pink eyes looked up at him, to his face, and analyzed his features for less than a second. Yes, definitely, he was trying to hide it; but pain still showed in his eyes.

“Why? Who told you?” he simply whispered. He felt like he was walking on thin ice; he didn’t know what to expect.

“Makoto, of course.”, he answered, as one of his hands went to his golden, revolted hair, and twirled a lock between his fingers, “Who else could know Haru that much?”

And Makoto knew?! When had this whole situation gone so much out of his control?

“Oh, well… I don’t- “

“I don’t like it.”, his firm voice cut him off, a bitterness that he thought had died long ago appearing as an echo into it, “Haru is my friend and all, but I don’t share my food.”

Suddenly, he felt he was rolled out of his arms, and he was on top of him again, holding himself on his own arms, hovering over him. It was a sight he had seen a lot of times before, but now, his expression didn’t match the one he was familiar with.

“And either I have you completely, or I don’t have you at all. Okay?” he quickly bent down, and gave him a small kiss on his nose, and a warning look.

It was the first time Nagisa had been left speechless, too.

 

* * *

 

The second time he realized he was wrong happened not even a day after the first. It was the end of swim practice, and one of those weird occasions when they didn’t have to make up exhausting excuses to walk home together, because the rest had already left.

If Nagisa had been his normal self, he would have realized right away that something was wrong with Haru. But Rin words were still swimming around his head, like koi fishes into their pond, non-stop, never faltering.

He felt guilty. He never intended to hurt anyone; because he never thought anyone felt so strongly towards him. They were nothing but friends, after all. And neither Rin nor Haru ever talked about taking one step forward, and it was okay with him. Having them sometimes was enough, that would have always done for him.

He never thought he could cause any harm, and he had started feeling something heavy and dark inside his chest since he had left Rin’s room.  And he couldn’t handle it; he couldn’t handle the feeling of having hurt the two most important people in his life.  Because he was sure he had hurt Haru, too, now that he had thought about it.

“Nagisa…” Haru called. The sun was starting to set, and a dark orange tinted the world, highlighting everything its faint warmness touched.

Said boy was suddenly pulled out of his thoughts, and the slight frown he had been holding faded away into a big smile.

“Yes, Haru-chan?” he asked, shining like light bulbs, fake as their light.

“I went for a run last night.” he said, his stoic voice never changing.

“Yeah? That’s great!” the boy replied, cheery as ever, wondering what that had to do with anything. An awkward silence began taking its form between them.

“I saw you leaving Samezuka’s dorms with Rin.” he talked again, after a few minutes.

For the second time in his life, Nagisa didn’t know what to say.

“You kissed him goodbye on the mouth.”

It didn’t even sound like an accusation; but like a fact. He wasn’t even looking his way, just ahead, like he always did. He could have been talking about anything, yet, the blonde felt something sinking in his stomach.

And then, he crashed down.

“I am so… so sorry, Haru.”, he had to stop walking, and heard the guy next to him doing it too. His sobs were making it hard to breathe and to talk as well, “I… just… I thought…  I didn’t know you felt things for me!”, he let out another sob, “Neither of you!”.

He started to feel the saltiness of his tears burning his cheeks, but he didn’t care. He was nearly shouting, and he didn’t care either.

“I’ve been with Rin, and I’ve been with you!”, he let out, but the last words came out strangled with a hiccup. “I never thought you guys cared enough, so I didn’t think I was doing anything wrong!”, his eyes were closed, and his hands curled in fists.

“But I’m sorry if I hurt you, and if I didn’t, I’m still sorry!”

His pulse, that had his heart drumming with pain into his chest, began quieting. He didn’t know what else to say, and even if he did, the air in his lungs didn’t seem to be enough. His eyelids were still shut close with strength, he was afraid to see his face; but his hands had at least relaxed.

Somehow, he had let his knees weaken, and his forehead was against Haruka’s chest. His, was still going up and down, trying to regain his normal breathing. To his surprise, he felt his arms snaking around his shoulders, and only then he allowed himself to open his eyes a little. They stood like that for a moment, until he spoke again.

“I never thought it was necessary.”, the older one suddenly said, only raising questions in Nagisa’s mind.

“Wh-what?”

“I never thought it was necessary… to formalize it. Us.”, he seemed unsure of what words to use. “I… thought you knew, I guess. That I am being serious with you.”

Even though it was supposed to make him feel better, somehow, it felt like a stake to the chest.

“I am so very sorry, Haru… I don’t know…”, his eyes went to the ground, and he broke the hug. “I just…”, he was now standing in front of him, and the light from the sunset kept lighting his curls.

He went silent, his shoulders slumped, his smile gone. He had never felt less like himself. His confidence had faded away like the wind; his spark was gone with the sun.

“Look, Haru-chan I…”, he swallowed hard, “I don’t know what to do now. I can’t choose between either of you. I think… I think I might love you both.”, that realization came with his words; he had never considered he felt like that before.

“But I can’t have both of you. It’s not fair for you; and it isn’t fair for me.”, he finally said, “I need some time to think.”

And he looked up again, because Haru at least deserved that.  His deep blue eyes were too glossy, and he saw a light pink starting to evidence on his nose. If there was something left to break inside Nagisa, it had just broken.

“I am sorry.”, he bowed slightly, and couldn’t resist to give him a light hug, before running away.


End file.
